Top 10 Things Found in John Kerry’s Pocket
10. Phone numbers from hot ex-Deaniacs “willing to ride the K-train.”
9. Richard Clarke’s soul
8. Sierra Club “Save Our Planet” keyring (with keys to 5 houses, 6 SUVs, 3 SeaDoos, and a luxury Winnebago)
7. Nude photos of Susan Sarandon (laminated). Nude photos of Jeanine Garofalo (re-touched w/ ballpoint pen to add blouse, shoes).
6. Altoids (for Teddy Kennedy. In a pinch. Cause, y’know, he likes his scotch…)
5. A signed copy of Coming Home on DVD
4. Joshua Micah Marshall
3. France
2. A shitload of Teresa Heinz’s money
1. A hole, his fist, and a lot of fond disco-era memories…
