Rio! The danger zone - take 2.
Wrote this a few days ago. Haven't had time to actually post it, it's another adventure in Rio. The last thread got kind of silly, so starting over.
So! Being in Rio, we decided we're obligated to at least go check out a nudie bar. I do this like once every few years, and since we saw a boobie show in Vegas earlier this year, this is just a complete bender of a year for me. Our adventure begins around 7:00 at night (bad sign). Buddy HAS to go to the grocery store to get some local cash. Which means we have to walk a couple blocks.
It's 7:00, we should be fine - right? So we walk there, get him his cash. All is well. Right next to the grocery store is an establishment with nakid lady silhouette's on the door, "peep show" and other good signs an the awning. Aha! The adventure begins. So we step in.. and it's some kind of porn shop. With little booths and stuff. "come in my friend come in!" Hmm.. I'm not really looking for a personal video booth here. More interested in a couple drinks with some lovely's in the background shaking their boobies. One of the workers walks by going from booth to booth wearing these huge rubber kitchen gloves.
EJECT!
Walking back to the hotel, a local kid hands us some kind of flyer for a strip club - I think. Aha! We're off! Of course no ingles, so we can't understand each other. With some pointing, he figures out we want to know where to go. It's getting late damnit, I want off the street and in the establishment looking at me some boobies. So the kid takes a turn and enters an apartment complex. Well this seems iffy, there's a pretty respectible (by local standards) looking door man, so we show him the flyer, wonder if this is a ruse.... Where's the sign on the door or awning? He mentions oh yes, this is the place.
So we walk down this hallway, and the little hairs are crackling. The kid then turns and starts going up some little stair case. There's not an indication of any kind in the whole place to be found that has anything to do w/ the flyer. Finally (way too late really) I'm like no damn way, already screwed up and came in too far as it is. EJECT! So we turn and thank God were able to walk out. The door man gives us a smirk - I can't tell if it was a "wussy's" smirk, or if it was "you bastards got lucky - tonight" smirk. Don't care.
So well.. damn. So much for this. Aha! Internet! Back to the hotel, find out where the tittie bars are. Problem with such bars is it's such a fluid industry, there really aren't good websites to tell you names and ratings. Some are straight up brothels - not looking for that either. But I sorta find a bar. Aha! It's only a few blocks away, right down the main drag on Copacabana Ave. (the busy one behind the hotels, not the one by the beach) It's just a little north of us. What does "favila" mean on the map right next to it? Hmm.... maybe this isn't such a great..... and we're off!!
So it's now 8:30 pm, we go walking towards our destination. It's been a couple blocks, and no shows. a couple more.... a couple more...
Wait! It's not the one on the website, but it's a high class looking couple of cheap blue doors with the snazy name "PussyCat" Well this looks legit, what could go wrong? We ask the guy if it's open, he says not yet (apparently this trade doesn't actually start until like 10:00 I guess). It has signs that say dancing and striptease. OK good, sounds like some boobies and drinks to be had here. and better, doesn't sound like a brothel.
So we go in, and wow! we see like 2 unappealing crack whores with the shakes, and a sleezy bartender, in an establishment I'm pretty sure is smaller than my house.
EJECT!
Wer'e done! So we head back to the hotel, and say by God we tried - we'll take another hole punch on the man-card please. I'm sure there are nice places in Rio to go to, but for a couple of gringo's (I've coined myself the Walking Wallet Service here), wandering around looking for such ain't a great idea.
You know, about once every 2 or 3 years I get the opportunity and hankering to go to a strip club. And every damn time the allure and lore is utterly shattered by the reality.
So, time to finish packing, head to the roof for a drink, and wish all the best to the good citizens of Rio. In 23 hrs I'm off to the safe haven of Saudi Arabia. (It's like a bad movie isn't it! :) )
Good news, though, in that time frame, I got pictures from the beach - and didn't get robbed.
