George W. Bush resume

[[AK]FiGHT*CLuB]

RESUME
George W. Bush
President of the United States
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I
was a cheerleader. I also
graduated from Harvard with "C" averages in
both schools.



LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976
for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a
fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas
driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.


MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went
AWOL. I refused to take a
drug test or answer any questions about my
drug use. By joining the
Texas
Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in
Midland Texas in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold
all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in
a sweetheart
deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our
right-wing friends in the
oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I
was elected Governor of
Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:

• I changed Texas pollution laws to favor
power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted
state in the Union.

• During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America.

• I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

• I set the record for the most executions by
any Governor in
American history.

• With the help of my brother, the Governor of
Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I
became President after
losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

• I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of
over one billion dollars per week.

• I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S.
Treasury, totaling over a trillion dollars.

• I shattered the record for the largest
annual deficit in
U.S. history. I set an economic record for
most private bankruptcies
filed in
any 12-month period.

• I set the all-time record for the biggest
drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market.

• I am the first president in U.S. history to
enter office
with a criminal record.

• I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any
one-year period.

• After taking-off the entire month of August,
2001, I
presided over the worst security failure in
U.S. history.

• I am supporting development of a nuclear
"Tactical Bunker
Buster," a WMD.

• In my State Of The Union Address, I lied
about our reasons
for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on
our British friends.

• I set the record for most campaign
fund-raising trips by a
U.S. president.

• In my first year in office over 2-million
Americans lost
their jobs and that trend continues every
month.

• I set the all-time record for most
foreclosures in a
12-month period.

• I appointed more convicted criminals to the
administration
than any president in U.S. history.

• I set the record for least number of press
conferences than
any president since the advent of television.

• I presided over the biggest energy crisis in
U.S. history
and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry
was
revealed.

• I presided over the highest gasoline prices
in U.S. history.

• I have cut health care benefits for war
veterans and support
a cut in duty benefits for active military
personnel

• I have set the all-time record for most
people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15
million people)
shattering
the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind

• I've broken more international treaties than
any president
in U.S. history.

• I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest in
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil
tanker named after her.

• I am the first president in U.S. history to
order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the
military occupation of a
sovereign
nation. I did so against the will of the
United Nations, the majority
of
U.S. citizens, and the world community.

• I created the Ministry of Homeland Security,
the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government.

• I am the first president in U.S. history to
have the United
Nations
Remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.

• I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of
Law.

• I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
"prisoners of
war" detainees) and thereby have refused to
abide by the Geneva
Convention. I am the first president in history to refuse
United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

• I am the all-time U.S. and world
record-holder for receipt
of corporate campaign donations.

• My largest lifetime campaign contributor,
and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the
largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. history.

• My political party used the Enron private
jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my
election decision.

• I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and
money was spent
investigating
the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of
the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

• I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S.
after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year
later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest
failure of diplomacy in world
history.

• I am first president in history to have a
majority of
Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the
biggest threat to world
peace and security

• I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be
awarded government contracts.

• I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin
Laden to justice, although the army finally
found Saddam Hussein.



RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas
are now in my

father's library, sealed, and unavailable for
public view. All records
of
SEC investigations into my insider trading and
my bankrupt companies
are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view. All records or
minutes
from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
Please consider my experience when voting in
2004 -

[[AK]Squidly]

*yawn* This is over 3 years old.

[[AK]Palooka]

And it's full of untruths and half-truths. It's so badly flawed, it's hardly worth responding to. I was bored, so I started to . . .

RESUME
George W. Bush
President of the United States
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader. I also graduated from Harvard with "C" averages in both schools.

[The list of past presidents with no formal college education is surprisingly long and distinguished. Here are a few for starters: Washington, Jackson, Lincoln. While Bush may have been a bit lacking in his studies, he did complete degree programs at two of the most exclusive and difficult Ivy League schools in the country, and the aforementioned past presidents prove that great success in university is not a prerequisite for success in the presidency.]

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

[People make mistakes. Why is at that liberals are so quick to defend, forgive, and sympathize with fellow liberals who are also chronic drug and alcohol abusers (Robert Downey, Jr. and Ted Kennedy immediately spring to mind), but are so brutally hostile toward and unsympathetic of conservatives who have similar problems, like Bush in his youth and more recently, Rush Limbaugh?]

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

[Clinton was a blatant draft dodger who fled to Canada to avoid service. He also admits to smoking pot. Yet, liberals have no problem with him. What gives? I find this whole debate very insulting to those who have served in the reserves or the National Guard, especially in wartime. Joining the Guard is not the best way to avoid combat, as the many Guard units in Iraq and Afghanistan can vouch for (fleeing the country is a much more reliable tactic). My father served in the Nevada National Guard during Vietnam, and he's no cowardly draft-dodger. In fact, his unit was put on alert and ordered to ready for deployment to Vietnam several times.]

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

[I hate to bring Clinton up again, but let us not forget that he lost his gubernatorial re-election campaign in 1980 after one term. Even decent presidents lost elections only to come back and win. Consider Adams, Jefferson, and Nixon.]

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.

[If you think gaining power doesn't require powerful connections, you're crazy. Oh, and most people aren't deathly afraid of Big Oil©.]

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:

• I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

[This item comes from Gore's fear-mongering during the 2000 campaign. During Bush's governorship, toxic releases were drastically reduced in Texas (14 percent compared to a national average of 1.5 percent) thanks to Bush's policies. Texas still has dirty air, but that's because Texas is the national leader in chemical processing and oil refining.]

• During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America.

[This only occurred for a short time, and it was due to climate and some chemical plants disregarding the law, not Bush's policies. Read this for more.]

• I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

[This is a blatant lie. Texas never went bankrupt, and during Bush's tenure, its economy grew right along with the national average. Interesting info here.]

• I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.

[Good for him. According to Gallup polls, three quarters of Americans support the death penalty. We need leaders who are tough on criminals, and such leaders are popular. Consider Rudy Guliani, who reduced crime in NY more than any other mayor in its history.]

• With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

[This is a tired old line. Bush won the recounts, and would have won even more handily had overseas military votes been counted. If Dems suddenly oppose the Electoral College, they should work on changing the law.]

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

• I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
over one billion dollars per week.

[The war is necessary, and the war is expensive. Most able-minded Americans know that.]

• I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury, totaling over a trillion dollars.

[Bankrupt? Please . . .]

• I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

[Bush is a big spender, no doubt about it. However, Congress must approve all budgets. Regarding the bankruptcies, didn't 9/11 have something to do with this? How about blaming terrorists?]

• I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

[See above . . .]

[[AK]Palooka]

I just found a pretty good response to the propaganda here.

[[AK]Nuts]

I had never seen this resume and was being writing my counter-point when I saw that Palooka beat me to it, and provided a great link to a well-documents rebuttal. A few additional notes that I found during my research:

Other Famous Cheerleaders:
Thad Cochran, US Senator from Mississippi
Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the US.
Michael Douglas, Actor
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice
Trent Lott, US Senator from Mississippi
Samuel l. Jackson, Actor
Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd President of the US
Jimmy Stewart, Actor


As far as Condoleeza Rice and the oil tanker (and I should know about this one!). The tanker was renamed before she became National Security Advisor.

-nuts